Stupendous Man

I had written a post long ago about on how to handle depression (around 3 years back) – it was in a lighter vein, and meant to be rather humorous, but I think it had conveyed the point back then. Here is that post again, though I have managed to add a lot more to the original article and perhaps given the issue a serious perspective it may have missed out the first time.

Death is hereditary.

Does it make you feel better? If yes, well you are pretty much over depression. If no, oh boy you need some serious tips from an old timer like me. Note that by giving tips on depression doesn’t mean I don’t go into depression – in those cases, I merely read other blog posts on handling depression. They are great! After all giving advice is easy, and who says I shouldn’t be parting some free advice?

Life is a tragedy of ungrateful events, only happening to the person who is depressed. Its normal to think: why me?? – Over the years I have also learnt to ask myself: Why Not Me?? The second question has probably helped me find many answers in life when I am in depression.

Example:

Why did my GF have to ditch me? Well, when she had better options why she should not? If I found a more beautiful girlfriend, I did ditch her too hehe.

Why did I get a layoff?? ? Why Not should I get a layoff? The next high paying job and was always ready to bid you a good bye!?

Why did I fail?? Why shouldn’t I fail? Did I study in the first place??

But he passed copying from me!? ? Why should not he pass? He was smart enough and luck favored him?!

Tip 1: Cheer up, the worst is yet to come!

Are you not doing well in your life? Have you failed in relationships? Are you depressed? Are you affected by black magic? Do you suffer loss in your business? Contact Ajmeri Baba. All your problems will be solved in 7 days guaranteed. If not, try Peer Syed Sahib; if all else fails contact Pandit Maharaj. If everything fails, then you are probably depressed. There is nothing much to do Your life is a mess and even astrologers couldn’t cure it. What will you do? Where will you go?? Tsk! Tsk!

Seriously speaking, the thing that I have always found when you are depressed is that everything usually gets worse, to the point that I feel there is no way out. And just when you think that there is a slight hope of something good happening to you, something worse happens to you dragging you back to the alleys of depression. And frankly speaking there is no way out unless you just begin to pull yourself out. Depression is like an endless well – andha kuva – the deeper you get into it, the harder it is for you to climb out of it. And then one day, you will stop seeing light from the bottom of the well – yes, that’s how deep you can go.

Tip 2: Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

Anyone seeing International Zee TV surely know whom I am talking about – if you missed these ads, man, you have been watching too much Ekta Stuff (I must add – avoiding her serials is a good way to begin…)

Start by avoiding astrologers and other fancied myths surrounding our world; If your Pandit told you to sit in the center of your living room with your face facing the sky so that suns rays help you clear your mind, he is probably twitching his stomach behind your back and getting a good laugh! Get real! You pretty much landed in the mess yourself, and now that you are in the mess there are only two options:

(i) Get out of it or
(ii) Stay.

If you decide to stay, there is nothing much you can do. If you decide to get out of it there only two options:

(i) Think how to get out of it or
(ii) Dream of getting out of the mess.

If you chose the second option, well, keep dreaming and hoping sweetheart. If you chose option 1, then there are just two options

(i) You either get out by thinking smart or
(ii) You don’t.

If you don’t, well hard luck – worry not, you have only two options still:

(i) Get out of depression or
(ii) Stay.

If you came till the first option, you did be looking for an egg to hit on my head to have read this crap.

Seriously speaking, I think that perhaps the only cure to depression is the person himself. Unless you decide to come out of it once and for all, you always keep hoping and looking for next available excuse to make your life better. The problem is, for every good excuse, you have an equally lousy excuse to get back into depression.

Simple effective tricks often created wonders – and one of the things that always worked for me has been writing. I have still maintained that some of the most humorous stuff I wrote has been during times I have been depressed. Back in my first year of engineering, I think I had hit a pit – life was going no where, and nothing was going according to the sweet world I had imagined. Things were just as bad as it could get.

I have no idea, why I did this – but this is what I did – I picked up an empty notebook and began writing “I will change for the better” on each line, 5 lines a day, just before I went to sleep. Over months I had filled half the book with just “I will change for the better”. I remember after month or two I had actually finished the sentence “I will change for the better” with the question – “when?”- That was probably a big turning point, because at that point, I was depressed of being depressed – and felt there was an immediate need to come out of it. Needless to say, things started looking up thereafter.

Tip 3: Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

How does it relate to depression? Simple: do things which you think can do and try to do them right. I know you were in middle of building the next space shuttle to transport your girlfriend to Uranus when depression struck (sigh), but I can understand. Tragedies compound and convolute and attack together. So then what will you do if you cannot get the rocket thruster right for the space shuttle? Nothing: Go back to basics – Start again, and right this time.

Don’t grumble you should have never got that girlfriend; there is nothing you could do about it. Think about getting the shuttle right. Maybe if you could get it right, you could send her flying into a galaxy far far away. Try not to be the pessimist and expect things to happen. They will never happen.

Seriously speaking simply put: Stop thinking too much. Think of simpler things in life and plan on getting them right.

Tip 4: Every problem has a solution provided it is someone else’s problem.

You remember you helped out a friend with alcohol problem 2 years ago? That drug problem last year your friend suffered and you were there to help him out? Your miserable friend was also ditched by GF and you filled her place for a while? You suggested your colleague to take a trip to Australia with his girlfriend while you looked after his dogs and lizards? Your benevolent soul gave some wonderful tips to him to relieve of depression. Isn’t it wonderful giving an advice? I love it too – don’t you love it too?

Things are simpler from another person’s perspective – always. And there is always a solution to someone else’s problem, but not your own. You have two options here:

(i) Talk to a sensible friend who is not depressed and just listen.
(ii) Or talk to another depressed person, preferably more depressing than you who will make your realize how good your life is.

If you chose option 2, then restart. If option 1 fails, then assume you are a friend of a person having the same problem as you. Assume you are not you, but him. And he is not him, but you. Woh joh hain woh woh nahi hain, woh tum ho. Tum jo ho, woh tum nahi ho, tum woh ho (Remember Andaz Apna Apna). Get the idea? Okay, now what would the first suggestion you did give your friend in depression with similar symptoms?

Think really hard: that’s what probably you should be doing too.

Seriously speaking, another facet that I have always managed to see is that nobody wants to be friends with depressing people. And frankly why they should – the result is depressing people more or less end up with depressing company. The thing is, everyone in the world wants to be happy around other people – even me too – if I find a person too depressing and boring, I will frankly start avoiding that person, unless he or she happens to be one of my closest buddies. I can try to help him, provided he wants to listen – else its the same story again.

Sometimes it helps to just talk it out. Grab a friend and empty all your sorrow on him – yeah yeah, he will probably get sick of you and never wish to see your lousy face again, but that is not the point. The point is you have talked to someone. In reverse, it is also helpful if you just listen. Do nothing – just listen to what people have to say to your problem. Not all solutions look appealing, and frankly for a depressed person, no solution looks like a good solution. But after having listened, think, just for a while if some idea made sense. Talking and listening, are perhaps one of the best things you can do.

Tip 5: If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

As I said, life is a miserable bitch with one bad event after another happening. Try to look at the brighter side (which I am also accused of not doing, though advice dene mein kya jaatha hain??). There are many things that can happen in our life, which frankly others may have just wished for to, happen in theirs – comparing yourself to them, you should be lucky that such goodness could happen.

As a general rule, there are always people in this world that are much more luckier than you, much more happier than you, much more richer than you and much more successful than you are, and chances are great that they are your good friends. You can either be depressed that your life is not going like your friends, OR, you can decide that once and for all its time to shut up and start acting on setting things right. There will be lots of obstacles in the way, and you will not be successful in implementing many an idea – but even if you manage to get 1 out of 5 things right in your life, you’ve made a start.

As a parting gift, remember a golden principle in life that should make your life much simpler to lead:

God loves you. Everyone else thinks you are an as****e.